by Tony Langstaff

One of the Faces of Depression

“I’m not depressed.  That’s just my face.”

Many of us guys tend to hide “depression” to avoid being vulnerable or weak.  We put on a mask to avoid pity or unwanted attention.  Some do not realize their mood has noticeably descended to a near-comatose state.  The mood decline may not have been something the man was inherently aware of.  As a therapist working with men and their loved ones, I have experienced it may be a loved one that notices the change.  To begin to address this concern, men must first learn what to look for when assessing their mood. Simultaneously, they will need to unlearn some of the unhealthy lessons of what it means to be strong, independent, reliable, and in control.  For the moment, let us only consider the question: “Is it your face? Or is it something else?”

A Starting Point

First, it’s important to understand that everyone experiences sadness or varying levels of depression depending on everything from the weather, the date on the calendar, life events, financial woes, and relationship problems.  These are normal feelings that come with the human experience.

What’s the difference?

Second, we need to be able to differentiate sadness from depression.  The severity of the word choice is important.  For example, exploring similar words in a thesaurus, we learn that depressed may be synonymous with: sad, gloomy, bitter, heartbroken, melancholy, somber, blue, dejected, down in dumps, downcast, glum, heavyhearted, hurting, low-spirited, or troubled.  I would suggest that you would not use all these words to describe what you are feeling.  The key is to recognize your feelings and know that some of those feelings may be normal for you.  Conversely, when the feeling begins to be there “normally” causing other problems then it may be time to consider how depression may have moved to a serious level.

Some Signs of Depression

Third, after we have screened out what is “normal” for our own experience, it is essential for us to recognize when depression has grown into an enemy that needs to be conquered.  Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Has the “depression” got a hold of you more days than usual? Does it stay around longer than it should?
  • Does it manage to distract you from enjoying your hunting, fishing, exercise (insert your hobby here)?
  • Does the “depression” somehow trick you into eating more, less, or not at all so you’ve gained or lost weight?
  • Is the “depression” you’re carrying so heavy that others noticed you have physically slowed down?
  • When “depression” is hanging around, does your energy level feel depleted quicker than normal?
  • Does the “depression” keep you up at night? Or force you to stay in bed longer?
  • Do you find you’re more indecisive than usual and decisions don’t come as freely?
  • Is your ability to concentrate diminished since the “depression” made itself at home?
  • Do you find yourself more irritable or angry? Is it more intense or does it increase faster than usual and stays around longer?  Do others point it out to you…making your more irritable?
  • Oh, and another thing…does your sex drive rarely get out of first gear? Or is your performance suffering?

What to do next?

When a client comes to see me, I will ask them about not just the reason they have come but also other areas of their life.  In other words, I always try to start with a holistic approach.  Once you have addressed the physical and spiritual, then you can properly address the mental and emotional.  All of these aspects of our being are intertwined.  Do not underestimate the impact of any of these areas if they are neglected.

  • Have you had a physical lately? Full work-up to include metabolic panel, blood count, hormone levels?  Depending on your age and family history there may be more to consider.  You want to rule out anything health-related.
  • How’s your diet? Are you getting enough of the good stuff and minimizing the bad?
  • Are you getting regular exercise? It has been suggested to engage in moderate exercise for at least 30 minutes daily, 5 times per week.
  • What does your spiritual life look like? That could mean different things for various beliefs.  Do you pray, meditate or surround yourself with similarly-minded believers?
  • Finally, talk to a therapist, counselor, or minister, priest, or pastor that has been professionally-trained in mental health. They are there to provide a safe place to unload and provide help.  They should be non-judgmental.  They may lift you when appropriate and push you when necessary.  They should direct you using the answers you provide to questions they ask.  It should be a continual feedback loop to shift you to a different position from where you started.

In the next article, we will look at another face of depression – anger.  Sometimes depression poses as anger or it may be interwoven with the symptoms of depression.  In the meantime, be honest with yourself and answer this question: What are the emotions you are feeling lately and do they keep you stuck?  Now, what are you going to do about it?

 

Tony Langstaff is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Elevate Counseling Solutions located in Valdosta, Georgia. He also does therapy online with Georgia residents through a confidential video platform.  If you’re a therapist or agency and are interested in collaborating with him or you would like a free 15-minute consultation for therapy, he can be reached through his website: www.ElevateCounselingSolutions.com or directly at 229-234-8569.