What’s Your Plan?
A quiet, young man in his late 20’s who has been in prison for most of his adult life was diagnosed with a mental illness that causes him to have difficulty being around others and holding a sustainable job. In fact, it is largely a part of his story of how he ended up in prison. I asked him, “What would you like to do one day when you leave prison?” He frowned momentarily and gets a look of uncertainty on his face. Hesitatingly, he answered, “I don’t know. Maybe get a lawnmower and cut grass. I would sleep in abandoned buildings so I didn’t have to pay for a place. I just don’t want to come back here.” The look on his face remained flat. He was serious. He rarely smiled except if I happened to catch him positioned outside a group of other inmates while they bantered back and forth.
My mind wanders for a moment and my heart sinks thinking about the day he may be released. Then my next thought jumps to the day that he may likely be escorted back here dressed in a tan county jail uniform only to be exchanged for the white state uniform with a faded blue stripe down each side. My logic, based mostly on my own life experience, doesn’t allow me to imagine living in an abandoned building; his life experience doesn’t allow him to imagine much else.
Where Are You Going?
These men, like so many of us, drift along in life with the rudder half in the water steering with the minimal effort towards an unclear destination. Occasionally, and generally by circumstance, we are nudged or maybe jolted in other directions by our peers, our environment, and the state of our cultural, political, and economic times. A laser-focused, ordered, and deliberate plan of action is not as common for most of us. We may not be given the tools to plan, don’t know how to plan, or fail to plan with the tools given. Many of us do not have enough drive to push ourselves along and lack that one thing or person to motivate us to action.
Over the last few years, I have been working with men in a close-security prison. These men have struggled most of their life with a varying degree of moderate to severe mental health issues. As a therapist to these men and to many others who have never set foot in a prison, I have discovered a common thread among most, if not all of us. The thread we share is woven with contrasting fibers of brokenness but resiliency. Despair but the desire for a better life. Hidden fears but hopeful for internal and external peace. A need to be apart but connected. And a greater purpose whether it is to own a lawnmower to make a living or to be able to spur men to live more intentionally.
The Brokenness Keeps Us Stuck
We are men from different backgrounds that may be punctuated by broken homes, incidents of abuse, our own addictions or that of a loved one, lack of a mentor, and left wanting to be heard, understood, and loved. The brokenness often keeps us from extending our views to something greater such as a fulfilled life with purpose. Many of us may have only a faint outline for the direction for our lives. The thread we share is our capacity to survive where we are right now in time and space and in our absence of intentionality. My hope is to continue to shape my own notion of survival into an internalized drive to take steps towards accomplishing whatever my greater purpose is…and to guide a few along as I go.
Just Surviving Today…and Also Charging Towards Tomorrow
As for the lawnmower man, he continues to wait for the day of his release with no further mention of long grass needing cut, abandoned buildings, or fears of returning to prison. His focus is on surviving today. Isn’t that where we get stuck sometimes? Just surviving today? Maybe tomorrow we can revisit his goals and have a conversation about the necessary steps to building his new life. He smiled the other day when I spoke to him about the dormitory environment and some general improvements I noticed in the “community” he lived in. I wondered if simply asking a future-oriented question was the impetus to allow him to envision a goal, a new life, or some movement towards a greater purpose instead of just mere survival.
What’s holding you back from becoming intentional about the goals and progress in your life? What do you need to do today to take the next step? If you need someone to come alongside you and walk with you on a new journey, give me a call or send me an email today. I’d be glad to help you begin that journey.
Tony Langstaff is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist living in Valdosta, Georgia. If you’re interested in working with him, he can be reached through his website: www.ElevateCounselingSolutions.com or directly at 229-234-8569.